U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
