all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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