No awkward lesbian experiences without me
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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