Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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