well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
