i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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