This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
