I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
