member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
