I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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