Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
