Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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