overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
