Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
