I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
