Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize