mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Randomize
