I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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