I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
