all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
