I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize