My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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