She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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