I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
