He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
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