The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
