My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize