I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
