he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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