How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
