How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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