apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
