I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
