Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
they're like a gay fantastic four
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
