Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
