lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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