they need to just BURY HIM!
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Randomize
