Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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