Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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