too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
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