i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Randomize