A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Randomize
