So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
