he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
