I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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