DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
