She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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