i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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