I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
