i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
