i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize