I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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