Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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