fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Randomize
