i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Randomize
