Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
