have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
