I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
