I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
