loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
