You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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