There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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