i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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