you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
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