You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
