Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
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