Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
