I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
3pm strippers are depressing
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
