my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
this is an emotional support booty call
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
