I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
