He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
